Senior's Breakfast Special

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns & toast for $1.99.

"Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."

"Then, I'll have to charge you two dollars & forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.

"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously.

"Yes!!" stated the waitress.

"I'll take the special then." my wife said.

"How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked.

"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.

Thought..........

Thought for the day
If you had purchased £1000 of Northern Rock shares one year ago it would now be worth £4.95 ...
With HBOS, earlier this week your £1000 would have been worth £16.50 ...
£1000 invested in XL Leisure would now be worth less than £5 ....

BUT IF........
You bought £1000 worth of Tennent’s Lager one year ago, drank it all then took the empty cans to an aluminium re-cycling plant, you would get £214 ...
So, based on the above statistics, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and re-cycle!

Here boy

When I was about 17 two friends and I returned to my parents house from the pub.

They went into the kitchen to get some toast and I went to see if anyone was still up, luckily my parents had gone to bed.

So I came down and saw they were talking and eating with their back to me, and our dog was standing next to them looking my direction. I decided to give them a shock by jumping into the kitchen with my pants down and farting on the dogs head (seemed like a good idea at the time).

Down came my trousers. I leapt into the kitchen shouting 'AH HA' to get their attention, attempted to fart on the dog, but followed through. The dogs head was covered in shit and I had it running down my legs.

Suffice to say everyone I had ever met was told about this, and I'm still waiting for a knock on the door from the RSPCA.